aTypical Joe: a gay New Yorker living in the rural South
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Dobson, marriage & me
A friend sent an email alerting me to Terrance’s post on Dobson’s recent pro-Miers statement that includes this on gay rights:
The noted Christian broadcaster answered several of the charges that have been raised against Miers, including one involving her position on gay rights.
In 1989, she answered “Yes” to a poll question by a gay rights organization that asked, “Do you believe that gay men and lesbians should have the same civil rights as non-gay men and women?”
“You know what? I do,” Dobson said, affirming her response. “I don’t believe that homosexuals should be denied a job. I don’t believe that they should not be able to buy a house. I don’t believe that they should not have the same rights everybody else does. I just don’t believe that there should be special rights given to homosexuals that are not given to everybody else.”
Terrance says, “Heh. Interesting.” Then goes on to quote this mournful lament from the conservative Washington Times Culture Briefs last month:
“We are losing the gay marriage fight, and, in fact, have lost it already, though not all of us know it yet. When the acceptance of civil-unions protections for gay couples is the conservative position, then we have been defeated.”
—Rod Dreher, writing on “Pink Campaign,” in the September issue of Touchstone
Terrance, a Georgia expatriot (and briefly a churchmate of my sometimes haughty partner Doug. Of Doug he quipped then, “what, does this church have a one-queen-quota?"), pays attention to the Religious Right and frequently flirts with optimism on the topic. But he can’t quite bring himself to hope against hope, ending this one on a characteristically down note:
I have feeling that once the Miers nomination is resolved one way or the other, Dobson and the rest of his cronies on the religious right will backslide in to gay-bashing again, quicker than you can say “amen.”
I’m more optimistic.
I agree with Rod. We’ve won. A personal story informs that opinion…
Doug’s family has a good sized evangelical fundamentalist contingent. One, an uncle who may be the most conservative among them, was giving away his last daughter recently.
I went to the wedding.
Now the thing is, it’s not just that I went. It’s that I HAD TO GO.
Don’t get me wrong, normally I’d be happy to. But it was a very busy time and a very long way away and I could have used the time at home.
Except I couldn’t.
It would have insulted him. He wanted me to be there. I might even say we’re close. 
And believe me, we have absolutely nothing in common politically.
It wasn’t just him; the whole family wanted me to be there. And we all had a very good time (save for one awkward conversation in which it was revealed that I really don’t care one whit about the Dawgs, even as I tried to fake it).
I know he and his family will, like Dobson and his followers, vote in favor of the marriage amendment again next time, even as they’d be upset if my life partner and I don’t come to thier wedding. And yes, they’d buy right in to his notion of special rights.
Years ago I’d try to make them ACCEPT ME AS I AM; now I know I’ve fought those battles. And I believe I’ve won.
If you read me regularly you know I oppose the closet and applaud the continued fighting and striving; my plea here is not for an end to that. But I don’t want ours to be a bitter victory. I want them to feel they have to come and dance eat cake at my wedding. And I want them to have a good time too.
