aTypical Joe: a gay New Yorker living in the rural South

Monday, June 26, 2006

Are you lonesome tonight?

New loneliness numbers say that in 1985 we had three close friends, today we have only two:

If you get sick, stressed or just plain sad, you are going to want the sort of friend you can rely on. Maybe you’ll be able to convert an acquaintance into a soul mate when you discover you need one. But this just-in-time approach to emotional crises isn’t always going to work. Look at the way the slow decline of friendship has been mirrored by the rise of emotional problems. Over the past half-century, the prevalence of unipolar depression in affluent countries has jumped tenfold.

People’s myopia on friendship is like their myopia on saving. They know that jobs are insecure, that a health problem can cause bankruptcy, that retirement is fabulously expensive; but the household savings rate has fallen below zero. Equally, people know that spouses aren’t immortal and that divorce is common. But nearly one in 10—a much higher share than in 1985—reports that their husband or wife is the only person they confide in.

I’ve heard it all before from a sociologist “friend” here but I’m skeptical. Not that the numbers are true - I’ve no doubt they are - but I wonder is a correlation being mistaken for causation? I’ll have to be convinced.