Friday, July 22, 2005

Dictionaraoke

Guest post by basil.

Heh. Dictionaraoke. Indeed®

Headline News: 7/22/2005

Guest post by basil.

Yes, I know. I promised Joe I’d post for him while he’s on a break. And I won’t make excuses. But I can offer one small token. You see, the most popular feature on my little blog is the Headline News. Some of you may have read that feature. But if not, here’s the premise:

I take real headlines and write an accompanying bit to go with it. The accompanying bit usually takes the headline way out of context. Sometimes it drives a point home. Sometimes it’s just silly.

It serves no purpose other than to try to not take the news, whatever it is, too seriously. Even if it should be.

Sometimes people are inspired to “one-up” me on one or more of them. That’s always welcome.

Now, as a way of asking forgiveness from Joe for being such a poor guest-poster, I present today’s Headline News. They’ll appear on my little blog tonight. You get an advance look at them.

Now, don’t you feel special? Oh. Well. Anyway, here’s the Headlines.

From CNNmoney:

Halliburton posts 2Q profit

Oil prices down, blood prices up

From CNN:

U.S. military claims anger China

Pouts, call U.S. a “tattle-tale”

From CNN:

UK police: Latest bombers failed

Final proof that Al-Qaeda members are either so stupid they fail or so crazy they succeed

From ABC News:

Skateboarder Branded by Manhole Cover Sues

Con Edison to modify all manhole covers with words “I’m A Dumbass”

From ABC News:

Group Takes 550 Gerbils From Small House

Richard Gere’s summer home raided

From AP/Excite:

Marketers May Stop Calling Dead People

Long distance calls to hell cited as too costly

From ABC News:

Polanski Wins Vanity Fair Libel Suit

Fugitive director anally raped a 13-year-old girl, but didn’t flirt with a woman en route to Sharon Tate’s funeral *

From ABC News:

Bears Wander Into Motels in New Mexico

Heard Tom Bodett say they left the light on for them

From ABC News:

Moose Removed From Colorado Army Post

Prostitution crackdown nets unusual perpetrator

From ABC News:

Zoo Names Penguin After Steelers Announcer

Director: We’d have named him after the hockey team’s guy, but we forgot who he was, what with the strike and all *